Orange Gypsy

Friday, March 14, 2008

2008-03-17T14:10:00.001-07:00

Tonight was my 3rd night going to the care center to be with the man. I got there at 8pm. His breathing was different than the last 3 times I was there.. He wasn’t gasping hard like before. About 10 or 15 minutes later he opened his eyes and kept staring up. The med aide was there and watched him for a few minutes... After he left, I sat there watching him. There were 2 chairs.. one right next to him, and another by his feet. My parents told me not to sit too close because it obstructs the soul find it’s way out or something.. anyway... I kept thinking in my head, I have to go over there and pray for him.. I just have to I just have to. I had the thoughts before as well, but not as strong as tonight. It was almost to where I couldn’t sit there, I started shivering a bit and just sat next to the chair next to him and said, I have to pray for you.. and prayed a tiny tiny prayer for the Lord to take him by his hand and guide him safely to heaven. I told the man, that God loves him and he is waiting for him.
He had his eyes open most of the time... This was the first time I saw him open his eyes too, and the nurse told me that as well... anyway... he hung on for another 15 minutes.. the nurse sat in the room with me for 5 minutes talking.. and watching the man... he’d breath and pause and breath and pause... then he didn’t breath... we sat there and sat there and sat there for few more minutes.. The nurse checked him, and sure enough... he was gone.
He left quitely and peacefully. This was my first experience.. being there when someone dies. I know he’s in a better place, so I’m not freaked out or upset. I’m just a bit surprised about my attitude and how much I’ve changed in a few weeks too...

Wow is all I can say about life!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

2008-03-17T14:09:00.001-07:00

Tonight I went down to the care center for couple of hours to sit with a man on his death bed. It’s called "Compassionate Campanion" and I’ve been on the volunteer thing but didn’t get a chance to go in... so tonight was the first. It was different from what I thought it would be.. I was sorta nervous when I got there. I put up a brave front (cuz dad works there med aide) and went into the room. This other volunteer (who used to work there) was there and said she’d stay with me if I like since it’s my first time. It was nice to have her there, though I would have been okay if I was alone because that place was just hustling and bustling with people I used to work with popping in and outta the room talking my ears off...
The man looked like he was extra comfy and simply sleeping snoring away. I watched his breathing for a bit... and all the sudden he made this moaning sound that scared the crap out of me! The other lady has seen many and been with many who were dying so it was no big deal.. I looked at her and we both sorta giggled. I know... why are we giggling when he’s dying right? Dying is not a bad thing... some people are better off dead. This man doesn’t look like he’s suffering.. though I feel like he’s holding on and won’t go for another day or 2.
The lady who stayed with me told me about the other people that she was beside when they died... and she looks at him and says, he’s holding on strong.. you just never know when they leave.. God will go, hey you it’s time.. and then he’ll be gone. I pictured God still making the bed for the person hehe...
It was not eerie or anything like I’d imagine.. just peaceful. I mean.. we’ve had few people die in our house (we take care of elderly folks).. that’s a bit tough since we know them for several years..I know it’s tough on my mom.. anyways... when those people die in our house, I get a bit creeped out, I would walk off really fast or do something stupid to get away from that room ASAP. I remember the first time a gentleman died at our house.. I didn’t go by that room for 2 months atleast.
I kept wondering what’s in the man’s mind while he lay there in his bed... wish I could read people mind at times.. hmm or do I really want that? Anyways... he’s still holding on.. I won’t find out the update till morning.
Well.. time to hit the hay. Ta.

Snips of dreams

2008-02-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

I've had some strange dreams.. I used to have lot of those but for some reason I stopped having them.. and now they are back again!

I remember a few...

Couple of weeks back I dreamt that I had a beautiful baby... (Mom was freaking out on me in the dream, what else is new?). The baby was sooo small and absolutely adorable. With dark mop of hair... pink cheeks, but here's the thing.. the baby was white! When I told this to my friend Roseby she started laughing... A white baby isn't possible.

Well the next day... my other friend Mara messages me and tells me that she held a baby. Then I realized this kiddo at the daycare.. his mom was about to pop one. So Mara took me to see the baby... He was soooo tiiiiny... with big pink cheeks... little bit of peach fuzzy blonde/brown hair... and he's white (of course). The strangest thing!

Somewhere last week I dreamt that my sis in law was preggers.. LOL. In that... we had our christmas party exactly the same type we had few years back before Dushane was born...

Let's see what other dreams did I have... hmm

We are going over to bro's & sis in law's today.. and been talking about it for the past couple of days... so naturally I dreamt that I went to their house and there was a wedding party there.. and I found so many tiny little froglets everywhere. Speaking of frogs.. I can't wait for them to be out and about in late spring..!! so fun :)

I dreamt something today but can't remember it for the life of me.

Ok enough yammering

snort

2008-02-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

Last weekend my mom got a hold of an old friend's phone number. We knew them in Maldives and one of their kid was one of my close friend... We haven't talked to them in over 13 years.. Mom handed the phone to me and when I was talking to my old "friend"... the way she talked or sounded like she wasn't interested in talking to me.. I probably misinterpreted the tone and what not... I mean I haven't talked to them in so long, so I wouldn't know how exactly they talk right? I dunno... I asked for my email and said she'd drop me a line... well that was Sunday she told me and it's Friday today...

How would you react on establish connection with your old childhood friend after a long time? The only reason you lost contact is because you moved and got old (LOL). I know people get busy but what's the harm in dropping a line. I was initially angry about this (because I just like to be angry all the time), but I'm like eh whatever... Seriously now.. wouldn't you be kind of excited??? She didn't give me her email address so I can't really contact her but yeah. Then again she did say that she hasn't seen my other friend in a loooong time and they live in the damn country and city =P.

Oh I dunno, I'm kinda hungry now hmmm.

Where's the drool?

2008-02-15T11:10:00.000-08:00

I think I'm out of Indian actors to drool at... Initially I had a good handful of them... Prasanna, Vishal, Naren etc... etc... But now I'm like meh after I hear about them running after the actresses =P...

Anyways... speaking of actors.. I was quite sad to find out about Heath Ledger's death... Quite tragic. He had great talents and a good looking guy nonetheless.. it's just going to be weird watching his movies now... he was only 28 so that kinda bugged me too.. I mean he's my age and already dead, how sad is that!

Then there's Kunal's death.. just crazy, what's with all these deaths in the movie industry.

Oh well.. may their soul rest in peace.

orange shit for the soul

2008-02-15T10:49:00.000-08:00

Ever had a day where you woke up on the wrong side of the bed (metaphorically speaking) and for the rest of the day every little thing goes wrong and just pisses you beyond belief?

This happened to me Sunday.. I woke up around 5am to hear people talking downstairs and my dog Maya barking her stupid little head off. When I went down I realize one of our resident is being taken to the hospital by EMT. I ran down to put the bark collar on Maya because her spot is right next to my sister's room.. the kids were sleeping and well the dog just wouldn't shut the fuck up. After that I came upstairs and just couldn't sleep...

So #1, my sleep got messed up. Eventually fell a sleep and got woken up to "watch" the house while parents were gone to church... Well.. I fell asleep for that 1 hour (what do you expect? that was good sleep!)

After that.. whatever the hell I did for the day wasn't working out at all... They are just simple things... I mean I like to think up ideas for photographs and setup the crap... I got my setup alright but my ideas were just not getting captured like how I imagined. Usually when something like this, I'll just try again the next day.. but right when it as happening I was thinking "ohh I'm gonna break something".

EVERY! THING! I! TRIED! DID! NOT! WANT! TO! COME! OUT! RIGHT!

Finally I was like ah fuck it and had to return the movies I rented... I was planning to just drop it off... but instead of just dropping it off, I walked in there looking for more movies... As I was walking down this aisle which was pretty big... 3 people could stand there with enough room for comfort.. anyways, there was this big fat lady (nothing against fat people...) was standing right in the middle of the aisle reading the contents of a video tape.. I'm approaching her, and need to get by her.. she hears my keys jangle but does she even look up or move a tad??? NO! Oh don't give me the crap about "she's probably deaf".. what about peripheral vision? is that gone too?? I can't go past her through the little opening she wasn't occupying without brushing her ass with my hand! So I say excuse me.. does she hear that even?? NO! That just pissed me off.. I managed to get through without touching her ass.. but at this point I just wanted to push her into the racks of movies and keep on walking.

Grrr! Some people! This is why I don't like going to the store at any given time because there are lot more people out there like this. I'm quite conscious of my surrounding at the store.. I see if anyone need to get by or anything... I hate running into people and standing in the middle of the store talking to them because that's the thing that pisses me off the most in the store in the first placel!

Come on people.. look at your fucking surrounding and notice people!!!

Have you watched someone's facial expression while they are talking.. or that while you are talking to them... They themselves don't know you are watching.. do it! They'll have all these rude expression on their faces.

Sometimes I wish I could be ignorant and oblivious too like others and be happy... but I can't! I'm a sociologist and I can't stop observing people's behavior and their stupidity! ARGH!

Ahhhhhhahahahahaha...

2007-07-19T13:23:00.001-07:00

You know how when some ignorant ppl ask you, "Is it against your religion?" type questions if you were to make some sorta comment.

I've got a good one for myself...

"I can't get married, it's against my beliefs". EAT THAT!

I think I'm gonna get that made into a t-shirt!

Stupid dream =P

2007-07-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

I had this dinghie dream few days ago...

My family dragged me to "go see" this dude, and asked me to say yes or no as to whether I wanna marry the dude. Me being the butt I usually am, say NO. Later on in the dream, someone tells me that the dude is eager to hear what I have to say and that he been waiting for me. When I heard that, my heart softens and I feel sorry for him... and also the fact that he been "waiting" for me sorta appeals to me I guess. (I know eh? cheesey meter 1000%). Then I get stuck with what I feel... How do I change my answer from NO to a YES and I was too embarrass to tell my family about what I felt... then I heard my name being called REALLLYYYY loud and only one person does that around here... MY MOM! she woke me up early!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr!

And now, I'm off to bed!

I think she's okay...

2007-07-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write this before I forget...

Several weeks ago, I dreamt of the Korean family. It was just like the KOA picnic day setting... The father and the younger child didn't see me, or did'nt look at me is more like it... The older child and the mother saw me. The mother looked at me and waved happily.

When I woke up, I had a very strange feeling in my stomach... When I saw the mother wave in my dream, I had a strange sense of peace I suppose... It felt like she was telling me not to worry and that she's fine.

I talked about this to Roseby and she said the samething I thought of...

I haven't heard anything about them... I hope they are doing okay.

Ooops, neglected

2007-07-16T23:36:00.001-07:00

I didn't mean to neglect you lil ol' buddy... Just that I dunno what to squawk about and where exactly to begin. Perhaps I should do it when I don't have to scramble to get to bed cuz I have to wake up early... speaking of which, yipes I better fall a sleep before midnight, or my paranoid mind will take over and kill me. I think I'll go get my stuffed sheep dog to keep me protected. Man I need to cut down on them Asian horror flicks!

Terrible Loss...

2007-06-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

Few months ago... We got couple of Korean kids enrolled in the preschool. Both of the girls were in my class... One was 4 and the other 3. The oldest one was mothering the little one was having a hard time at school... so my coworker and I decided we should seperate the the kids so they can grow as an individual.

They did fine after we put them in seperate classes. As days, turned to weeks and then to months, we grew to love the kids alot and get to know the father and the mother. They were an adorable family. They even came down to the family fun day.

Monday, when I went to work... One of my coworker asked me if I knew what happened... I looked at her confused, and she told me... that the girl's mother died over the weekend! WHAT THE FUCK?

Well, Saturday evening, the Korean family had bought a family pass to the aquatic center to go have fun... Dark clouds loomed over Astoria Saturday... and it was raininig as if it was morning the loss of something. The father and the kids were in the pool playing and he noticed his wife was a miss. He went searching for her outside and asked the life guards and no one saw her... For 20 minutes he had searched her... and as he walked around the lap pool he saw her on the bottom... he dove in and brought her up. Blood came out of her nose and what not. They have revived her at the pool and took her to the hospital... and then life lined her to Portland... Her poor body couldn't handle it and she passed away.

The father is blaming himself for what happened and wished he was there sooner. Her being in the chlorinated water for long messed her up. They had her heart going but that's about it. The kids saw her getting pulled out of the water.

What were the lifeguards doing? Did they not see someone fall in? No one knows what exactly happened... Dunno if she slipped and fell in... or what.

I just can't stop thinking about those girls. And it's such a shock to find out that something like this happened to that family. They are very nice people. I see the mother every other day when she comes to pick the kids up, and she is... was a sweet person. She's someone I see alot so when I heard this news I didn't know what to think or feel. I hate the feeling of "now you see, now you don't".

They kids came to daycare only 3 days a week... The father wanted them to come everyday so that they can learn english... But the mother didn't want to let go of the kids just yet... I am quite sad that her soul left like that... She didn't want to let go of her babies who were going to school... But she let them go and went to a different place herself. It's just heartbreaking. I just can't shake that thought off... That her soul wasn't strong enough to stay.

The youngest one, the one who is 3 and was in my class was very attached to the mother... I know the father explained it to the kids already... I just can't imagine what's going on in their heads right now... Mom's gone and she won't come back. How cruel is that?

The oldest knew what was going on apparently when the mother got pulled out... And when they were in the bathtub the oldest told the little one to scream and splash as hard as she could to let her know that she needs help and is in trouble.

They don't have family here... all of them are in Korea... His brother and her brother are here to do the arrangements. Tomorrow is the funeral in Portland... Then Friday or Saturday the girls and the father are going back to Korea. He told his coworker, that he hates this place cuz this happened and that he could never come back... cuz it's a bad place.

It's so hard to understand why things happen the way they happen. Why them? Why her? What about the kids?

I feel that her soul is not going to be at peace for leaving her babies and her husband like that... I pray that her soul finds peace soon.

Rest in Peace "J", you'll be missed immensely.

Yo ho ho... a pirates life for me!!!

2007-06-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

******************WARNING SPOILERS******************
(If you haven't watched this movie, don't read this shit... and if you do, don't come crying to me about how I ruined it for you, you big wussy!)
***
I watched Pirates; the 3rd installment with Roseby, Mara & Morgan last night. All 3 of us (not including Morgan) were all set to drool at Capt. Jack Sparrow (Morgan was rooting for Will Turner).Yes I'm one of them crazy pirate maniacs. I suppose I'm not nutty enough to dress up as one... but just the mention of pirates reminds me of Captain Jack Sparrow and his kooky but absolutely sexy self. And in this new installment I got to see many of him. The beginning of the movie with a young boy singing the song had me thinking it was a flashback but I realized that after he got hung. Next we got Elizabeth Swann in the dirty old Singapore along with Capt. Barbossa, bargaining with the Singaporean Pirate lord to help save the rest of the pirates and a certain someone. The setting is dirty, grungy and has funny moments. I was glad to see Capt. Barbossa back... However kinda close to gagging with all this swanning over Ms. Swann crap. The girl is seriously irritating... and her romance with Will Turner is even irritating since he looks like her big sister.I was waiting patiently while stepping on some fallen popcorn on the floor... waiting and waiting for Capt. Jack Sparrow. And lo and behold, he here comes... a ship full of them! Some with shirt, some without, My eyeballs just didn't know which one to look at, they were all just absolutely delicious. However, it's obvious that the unique pirate is hallucinating. Jack Sparrow is just fascinating to watch... There's an instance where he's imprisoned back in the ship of Davy Jones and he begins to hallucinate again... seeing few more Jack Sparrows in the prison.. and one of them is part of the ship like how Bootstrap bill was in Dead Man's Chest. What's crazy is that that particular one as he was coming out of the wall of the ship, he pulls his head off it, exposing the brain... then takes it in his hand and licks it! How attractive! Shortly after he panics and says "Nobody moves! I dropped me brain!" Ha!!!The movie moves at a pretty good pace... and when it came to the battle and action, it had me sitting on the edge of the seat. I was amazed at the imagination of many of the scenes in the movie... and how far we've technology wise!Probably the most irritating aspect of the movie was Elizabeth Swann... Will Turner isn't as bad I thought he was going to be. Even the monkey appeared in many scenes this time! There are plenty of surprises here and there for the fan. I was quite disappointed that Elizabeth's father got executed... and was quite disappointed when James Norrington died the way he died... or just died! I just didn't want him to die! As the movie progressed it seemed like Jack Sparrow would be another one to die as well only because he wanted immortality and be roaming the 7 seas for eternity but what ended up happening had all of us in shock. It upset poor Morgan and she claimed she didn't like the movie because of that. The only thing that bothered me about Will Turner getting killed and being made the Capt. of the flying dutchman is that... the crew cut his heart out and put it in Davy Jone's locker in place of the old heart... Even though they don't show it to you... just our own brain imagines up something that has us rattled for quite sometime. He prolly makes a better Capt. of flying dutchman anyways... I suppose I can't squawk about his importance in the movie like I can about Elizabeth Swann. It was very ridiculous as to she gets appointed as the Capt. of the Singapore Pirates, and then Jack dinghie votes for her to be the "King" of the Pirates Court!! Why? oh why? All in all... in the end, everyting works out for the best. I thought so anyways... The others were disappointed about Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann's romance... But this is what irks me the most. We didn't stay past the credit roll to see that Will comes back after 10 yrs of serving on the flying dutchman to his Wife Elizabeth and 9 yr old son. ! ! ! ! ! This is going to irritate the hell out of me forever until I get the DVD! Over all, this movie is dark, dirty, crazy, sad, funny and absolutely awesome!

My next life...

2007-06-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

In my next life I want to be born a boy because:

I can be a slob and be excused as being a boy

I'm free to roamWhat consequences?

I can decide I want to be a toilet cleaner and get a toilet cleaning degree and won't get questioned for it

I can boss my big and little sisters around

I can be heard

I can complain about the food

I can be fat and not worry about finding a mate

I don't have to pay damn dowry

Don't have to be a bad driver statistic

I can punch the person who tries to walk all over me

I can say stupid things and pretend I'm smart

I can run other people's life

I can stay single and won't get pestered as much

And for some reason I come back as a girl, I think I'll get a sex change. It sucks to be youngest born sri lankan tamil girl!

Childhood lesson- Why can't I do what I want to do?

2007-06-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in 6th or 7th grade... or maybe 8th, my mom had me take piano lessons from this loopy teacher gave piano lessons to my sister when she was younger. I'm not a very musical being... even my farts are out of tune, believe it or not! The cooky lady would come as early as 5:30 in the morning to give me music lessons... She would come before school, and I have to be at school by 7:30am. She also shows up with her shirt inside out. Even though she was a nutcase, she was sweet and she encouraged me. All I had to do was give her a big grin when she asks me if I practiced and she melts! (too bad that doesn't work on people now.. meh). She would give me atleast 5-6 songs a day and expects me to know it all the next time she comes... which is the day after next. Oy...!!! Do I ever get time to be a kid? Oh and why piano of all things anyways? To this very day I cannot play one single tune on the damn piano. I don't even know the keys! Shows you how much I enjoyed the damn lessons. To this very day I wonder how come I never got to take dance lessons instead... I'm a dancer by heart and by interest and all that... why didn't I get to do that instead? I will never know.

Childhood lesson- What's in a prayer?

2007-06-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

After I was born, my family moved to Maldives. Now... Maldives is a 100% Islamic island nation. I grew up around people who were practicing Islam. I heard "namaz" everyday... I saw my neighbor kids reading their Quran and praying... We had assembly at school everyday, raised Maldives flag and a kid always said the holy prayer... So it's natural that I end up memorizing the prayer no?I was always hanging out with my neighbor kids cuz they were around my age. They were willing to teach me about their culture... I would join them when they had their evening Quran readings... I would have a handkerchief on my head and listen to what they read, though I do not understand Arabic. One day... my aunt happens to catch me in the act of it, and grabbed me outta there and took me back my place. It happened when I was 7... 20 years ago... Even though I've forgotten many of the details, I clearly remember she wasn't happy that I was doing all these heebie jeebie stuff like my neighbor kids. I didn't really see a point on her getting upset. I knew very well what my religion was... and was more intrigued by Christianity since there were no churches in Maldives... I loved to hear stories about Jesus, so naturally I was infatuated with church and everything that came with it. But when my aunt yanked me outta that place... It made me wonder... what did I do wrong?What's in a prayer...? Why does it matter whether it's in Tamil, Arabic or English? It's going to blend into the same air whether you say it or I say it, whether it's said in Latin or French.Too bad little shit events like that makes you stray away what you were infatuated with in the first place eh...?

useless blog

2007-06-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, I've come to a conclusion.. I'm gonna have 2 blogs. One to gripe and snivel and squawk in... and another with the photos. I'm not going to watch what's appropriate and inappropriate anymore... Why do I have to sugarcoat what I'm thinking anyways? So here to a squawk-a-lot blog.

*Cling*