Tonight was my 3rd night going to the care center to be with the man. I got there at 8pm. His breathing was different than the last 3 times I was there.. He wasn’t gasping hard like before. About 10 or 15 minutes later he opened his eyes and kept staring up. The med aide was there and watched him for a few minutes... After he left, I sat there watching him. There were 2 chairs.. one right next to him, and another by his feet. My parents told me not to sit too close because it obstructs the soul find it’s way out or something.. anyway... I kept thinking in my head, I have to go over there and pray for him.. I just have to I just have to. I had the thoughts before as well, but not as strong as tonight. It was almost to where I couldn’t sit there, I started shivering a bit and just sat next to the chair next to him and said, I have to pray for you.. and prayed a tiny tiny prayer for the Lord to take him by his hand and guide him safely to heaven. I told the man, that God loves him and he is waiting for him.
He had his eyes open most of the time... This was the first time I saw him open his eyes too, and the nurse told me that as well... anyway... he hung on for another 15 minutes.. the nurse sat in the room with me for 5 minutes talking.. and watching the man... he’d breath and pause and breath and pause... then he didn’t breath... we sat there and sat there and sat there for few more minutes.. The nurse checked him, and sure enough... he was gone.
He left quitely and peacefully. This was my first experience.. being there when someone dies. I know he’s in a better place, so I’m not freaked out or upset. I’m just a bit surprised about my attitude and how much I’ve changed in a few weeks too...
Wow is all I can say about life!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tonight I went down to the care center for couple of hours to sit with a man on his death bed. It’s called "Compassionate Campanion" and I’ve been on the volunteer thing but didn’t get a chance to go in... so tonight was the first. It was different from what I thought it would be.. I was sorta nervous when I got there. I put up a brave front (cuz dad works there med aide) and went into the room. This other volunteer (who used to work there) was there and said she’d stay with me if I like since it’s my first time. It was nice to have her there, though I would have been okay if I was alone because that place was just hustling and bustling with people I used to work with popping in and outta the room talking my ears off...
The man looked like he was extra comfy and simply sleeping snoring away. I watched his breathing for a bit... and all the sudden he made this moaning sound that scared the crap out of me! The other lady has seen many and been with many who were dying so it was no big deal.. I looked at her and we both sorta giggled. I know... why are we giggling when he’s dying right? Dying is not a bad thing... some people are better off dead. This man doesn’t look like he’s suffering.. though I feel like he’s holding on and won’t go for another day or 2.
The lady who stayed with me told me about the other people that she was beside when they died... and she looks at him and says, he’s holding on strong.. you just never know when they leave.. God will go, hey you it’s time.. and then he’ll be gone. I pictured God still making the bed for the person hehe...
It was not eerie or anything like I’d imagine.. just peaceful. I mean.. we’ve had few people die in our house (we take care of elderly folks).. that’s a bit tough since we know them for several years..I know it’s tough on my mom.. anyways... when those people die in our house, I get a bit creeped out, I would walk off really fast or do something stupid to get away from that room ASAP. I remember the first time a gentleman died at our house.. I didn’t go by that room for 2 months atleast.
I kept wondering what’s in the man’s mind while he lay there in his bed... wish I could read people mind at times.. hmm or do I really want that? Anyways... he’s still holding on.. I won’t find out the update till morning.
Well.. time to hit the hay. Ta.
The man looked like he was extra comfy and simply sleeping snoring away. I watched his breathing for a bit... and all the sudden he made this moaning sound that scared the crap out of me! The other lady has seen many and been with many who were dying so it was no big deal.. I looked at her and we both sorta giggled. I know... why are we giggling when he’s dying right? Dying is not a bad thing... some people are better off dead. This man doesn’t look like he’s suffering.. though I feel like he’s holding on and won’t go for another day or 2.
The lady who stayed with me told me about the other people that she was beside when they died... and she looks at him and says, he’s holding on strong.. you just never know when they leave.. God will go, hey you it’s time.. and then he’ll be gone. I pictured God still making the bed for the person hehe...
It was not eerie or anything like I’d imagine.. just peaceful. I mean.. we’ve had few people die in our house (we take care of elderly folks).. that’s a bit tough since we know them for several years..I know it’s tough on my mom.. anyways... when those people die in our house, I get a bit creeped out, I would walk off really fast or do something stupid to get away from that room ASAP. I remember the first time a gentleman died at our house.. I didn’t go by that room for 2 months atleast.
I kept wondering what’s in the man’s mind while he lay there in his bed... wish I could read people mind at times.. hmm or do I really want that? Anyways... he’s still holding on.. I won’t find out the update till morning.
Well.. time to hit the hay. Ta.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Snips of dreams
I've had some strange dreams.. I used to have lot of those but for some reason I stopped having them.. and now they are back again!
I remember a few...
Couple of weeks back I dreamt that I had a beautiful baby... (Mom was freaking out on me in the dream, what else is new?). The baby was sooo small and absolutely adorable. With dark mop of hair... pink cheeks, but here's the thing.. the baby was white! When I told this to my friend Roseby she started laughing... A white baby isn't possible.
Well the next day... my other friend Mara messages me and tells me that she held a baby. Then I realized this kiddo at the daycare.. his mom was about to pop one. So Mara took me to see the baby... He was soooo tiiiiny... with big pink cheeks... little bit of peach fuzzy blonde/brown hair... and he's white (of course). The strangest thing!
Somewhere last week I dreamt that my sis in law was preggers.. LOL. In that... we had our christmas party exactly the same type we had few years back before Dushane was born...
Let's see what other dreams did I have... hmm
We are going over to bro's & sis in law's today.. and been talking about it for the past couple of days... so naturally I dreamt that I went to their house and there was a wedding party there.. and I found so many tiny little froglets everywhere. Speaking of frogs.. I can't wait for them to be out and about in late spring..!! so fun :)
I dreamt something today but can't remember it for the life of me.
Ok enough yammering
I remember a few...
Couple of weeks back I dreamt that I had a beautiful baby... (Mom was freaking out on me in the dream, what else is new?). The baby was sooo small and absolutely adorable. With dark mop of hair... pink cheeks, but here's the thing.. the baby was white! When I told this to my friend Roseby she started laughing... A white baby isn't possible.
Well the next day... my other friend Mara messages me and tells me that she held a baby. Then I realized this kiddo at the daycare.. his mom was about to pop one. So Mara took me to see the baby... He was soooo tiiiiny... with big pink cheeks... little bit of peach fuzzy blonde/brown hair... and he's white (of course). The strangest thing!
Somewhere last week I dreamt that my sis in law was preggers.. LOL. In that... we had our christmas party exactly the same type we had few years back before Dushane was born...
Let's see what other dreams did I have... hmm
We are going over to bro's & sis in law's today.. and been talking about it for the past couple of days... so naturally I dreamt that I went to their house and there was a wedding party there.. and I found so many tiny little froglets everywhere. Speaking of frogs.. I can't wait for them to be out and about in late spring..!! so fun :)
I dreamt something today but can't remember it for the life of me.
Ok enough yammering
*snort*
Last weekend my mom got a hold of an old friend's phone number. We knew them in Maldives and one of their kid was one of my close friend... We haven't talked to them in over 13 years.. Mom handed the phone to me and when I was talking to my old "friend"... the way she talked or sounded like she wasn't interested in talking to me.. I probably misinterpreted the tone and what not... I mean I haven't talked to them in so long, so I wouldn't know how exactly they talk right? I dunno... I asked for my email and said she'd drop me a line... well that was Sunday she told me and it's Friday today...
How would you react on establish connection with your old childhood friend after a long time? The only reason you lost contact is because you moved and got old (LOL). I know people get busy but what's the harm in dropping a line. I was initially angry about this (because I just like to be angry all the time), but I'm like eh whatever... Seriously now.. wouldn't you be kind of excited??? She didn't give me her email address so I can't really contact her but yeah. Then again she did say that she hasn't seen my other friend in a loooong time and they live in the damn country and city =P.
Oh I dunno, I'm kinda hungry now hmmm.
How would you react on establish connection with your old childhood friend after a long time? The only reason you lost contact is because you moved and got old (LOL). I know people get busy but what's the harm in dropping a line. I was initially angry about this (because I just like to be angry all the time), but I'm like eh whatever... Seriously now.. wouldn't you be kind of excited??? She didn't give me her email address so I can't really contact her but yeah. Then again she did say that she hasn't seen my other friend in a loooong time and they live in the damn country and city =P.
Oh I dunno, I'm kinda hungry now hmmm.
Where's the drool?
I think I'm out of Indian actors to drool at... Initially I had a good handful of them... Prasanna, Vishal, Naren etc... etc... But now I'm like meh after I hear about them running after the actresses =P...
Anyways... speaking of actors.. I was quite sad to find out about Heath Ledger's death... Quite tragic. He had great talents and a good looking guy nonetheless.. it's just going to be weird watching his movies now... he was only 28 so that kinda bugged me too.. I mean he's my age and already dead, how sad is that!
Then there's Kunal's death.. just crazy, what's with all these deaths in the movie industry.
Oh well.. may their soul rest in peace.
Anyways... speaking of actors.. I was quite sad to find out about Heath Ledger's death... Quite tragic. He had great talents and a good looking guy nonetheless.. it's just going to be weird watching his movies now... he was only 28 so that kinda bugged me too.. I mean he's my age and already dead, how sad is that!
Then there's Kunal's death.. just crazy, what's with all these deaths in the movie industry.
Oh well.. may their soul rest in peace.
orange shit for the soul
Ever had a day where you woke up on the wrong side of the bed (metaphorically speaking) and for the rest of the day every little thing goes wrong and just pisses you beyond belief?
This happened to me Sunday.. I woke up around 5am to hear people talking downstairs and my dog Maya barking her stupid little head off. When I went down I realize one of our resident is being taken to the hospital by EMT. I ran down to put the bark collar on Maya because her spot is right next to my sister's room.. the kids were sleeping and well the dog just wouldn't shut the fuck up. After that I came upstairs and just couldn't sleep...
So #1, my sleep got messed up. Eventually fell a sleep and got woken up to "watch" the house while parents were gone to church... Well.. I fell asleep for that 1 hour (what do you expect? that was good sleep!)
After that.. whatever the hell I did for the day wasn't working out at all... They are just simple things... I mean I like to think up ideas for photographs and setup the crap... I got my setup alright but my ideas were just not getting captured like how I imagined. Usually when something like this, I'll just try again the next day.. but right when it as happening I was thinking "ohh I'm gonna break something".
EVERY! THING! I! TRIED! DID! NOT! WANT! TO! COME! OUT! RIGHT!
Finally I was like ah fuck it and had to return the movies I rented... I was planning to just drop it off... but instead of just dropping it off, I walked in there looking for more movies... As I was walking down this aisle which was pretty big... 3 people could stand there with enough room for comfort.. anyways, there was this big fat lady (nothing against fat people...) was standing right in the middle of the aisle reading the contents of a video tape.. I'm approaching her, and need to get by her.. she hears my keys jangle but does she even look up or move a tad??? NO! Oh don't give me the crap about "she's probably deaf".. what about peripheral vision? is that gone too?? I can't go past her through the little opening she wasn't occupying without brushing her ass with my hand! So I say excuse me.. does she hear that even?? NO! That just pissed me off.. I managed to get through without touching her ass.. but at this point I just wanted to push her into the racks of movies and keep on walking.
Grrr! Some people! This is why I don't like going to the store at any given time because there are lot more people out there like this. I'm quite conscious of my surrounding at the store.. I see if anyone need to get by or anything... I hate running into people and standing in the middle of the store talking to them because that's the thing that pisses me off the most in the store in the first placel!
Come on people.. look at your fucking surrounding and notice people!!!
Have you watched someone's facial expression while they are talking.. or that while you are talking to them... They themselves don't know you are watching.. do it! They'll have all these rude expression on their faces.
Sometimes I wish I could be ignorant and oblivious too like others and be happy... but I can't! I'm a sociologist and I can't stop observing people's behavior and their stupidity! ARGH!
This happened to me Sunday.. I woke up around 5am to hear people talking downstairs and my dog Maya barking her stupid little head off. When I went down I realize one of our resident is being taken to the hospital by EMT. I ran down to put the bark collar on Maya because her spot is right next to my sister's room.. the kids were sleeping and well the dog just wouldn't shut the fuck up. After that I came upstairs and just couldn't sleep...
So #1, my sleep got messed up. Eventually fell a sleep and got woken up to "watch" the house while parents were gone to church... Well.. I fell asleep for that 1 hour (what do you expect? that was good sleep!)
After that.. whatever the hell I did for the day wasn't working out at all... They are just simple things... I mean I like to think up ideas for photographs and setup the crap... I got my setup alright but my ideas were just not getting captured like how I imagined. Usually when something like this, I'll just try again the next day.. but right when it as happening I was thinking "ohh I'm gonna break something".
EVERY! THING! I! TRIED! DID! NOT! WANT! TO! COME! OUT! RIGHT!
Finally I was like ah fuck it and had to return the movies I rented... I was planning to just drop it off... but instead of just dropping it off, I walked in there looking for more movies... As I was walking down this aisle which was pretty big... 3 people could stand there with enough room for comfort.. anyways, there was this big fat lady (nothing against fat people...) was standing right in the middle of the aisle reading the contents of a video tape.. I'm approaching her, and need to get by her.. she hears my keys jangle but does she even look up or move a tad??? NO! Oh don't give me the crap about "she's probably deaf".. what about peripheral vision? is that gone too?? I can't go past her through the little opening she wasn't occupying without brushing her ass with my hand! So I say excuse me.. does she hear that even?? NO! That just pissed me off.. I managed to get through without touching her ass.. but at this point I just wanted to push her into the racks of movies and keep on walking.
Grrr! Some people! This is why I don't like going to the store at any given time because there are lot more people out there like this. I'm quite conscious of my surrounding at the store.. I see if anyone need to get by or anything... I hate running into people and standing in the middle of the store talking to them because that's the thing that pisses me off the most in the store in the first placel!
Come on people.. look at your fucking surrounding and notice people!!!
Have you watched someone's facial expression while they are talking.. or that while you are talking to them... They themselves don't know you are watching.. do it! They'll have all these rude expression on their faces.
Sometimes I wish I could be ignorant and oblivious too like others and be happy... but I can't! I'm a sociologist and I can't stop observing people's behavior and their stupidity! ARGH!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Ahhhhhhahahahahaha...
You know how when some ignorant ppl ask you, "Is it against your religion?" type questions if you were to make some sorta comment.
I've got a good one for myself...
"I can't get married, it's against my beliefs". EAT THAT!
I think I'm gonna get that made into a t-shirt!
I've got a good one for myself...
"I can't get married, it's against my beliefs". EAT THAT!
I think I'm gonna get that made into a t-shirt!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Stupid dream =P
I had this dinghie dream few days ago...
My family dragged me to "go see" this dude, and asked me to say yes or no as to whether I wanna marry the dude. Me being the butt I usually am, say NO. Later on in the dream, someone tells me that the dude is eager to hear what I have to say and that he been waiting for me. When I heard that, my heart softens and I feel sorry for him... and also the fact that he been "waiting" for me sorta appeals to me I guess. (I know eh? cheesey meter 1000%). Then I get stuck with what I feel... How do I change my answer from NO to a YES and I was too embarrass to tell my family about what I felt... then I heard my name being called REALLLYYYY loud and only one person does that around here... MY MOM! she woke me up early!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr!
And now, I'm off to bed!
My family dragged me to "go see" this dude, and asked me to say yes or no as to whether I wanna marry the dude. Me being the butt I usually am, say NO. Later on in the dream, someone tells me that the dude is eager to hear what I have to say and that he been waiting for me. When I heard that, my heart softens and I feel sorry for him... and also the fact that he been "waiting" for me sorta appeals to me I guess. (I know eh? cheesey meter 1000%). Then I get stuck with what I feel... How do I change my answer from NO to a YES and I was too embarrass to tell my family about what I felt... then I heard my name being called REALLLYYYY loud and only one person does that around here... MY MOM! she woke me up early!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr!
And now, I'm off to bed!
I think she's okay...
I wanted to write this before I forget...
Several weeks ago, I dreamt of the Korean family. It was just like the KOA picnic day setting... The father and the younger child didn't see me, or did'nt look at me is more like it... The older child and the mother saw me. The mother looked at me and waved happily.
When I woke up, I had a very strange feeling in my stomach... When I saw the mother wave in my dream, I had a strange sense of peace I suppose... It felt like she was telling me not to worry and that she's fine.
I talked about this to Roseby and she said the samething I thought of...
I haven't heard anything about them... I hope they are doing okay.
Several weeks ago, I dreamt of the Korean family. It was just like the KOA picnic day setting... The father and the younger child didn't see me, or did'nt look at me is more like it... The older child and the mother saw me. The mother looked at me and waved happily.
When I woke up, I had a very strange feeling in my stomach... When I saw the mother wave in my dream, I had a strange sense of peace I suppose... It felt like she was telling me not to worry and that she's fine.
I talked about this to Roseby and she said the samething I thought of...
I haven't heard anything about them... I hope they are doing okay.
Ooops, neglected
I didn't mean to neglect you lil ol' buddy... Just that I dunno what to squawk about and where exactly to begin. Perhaps I should do it when I don't have to scramble to get to bed cuz I have to wake up early... speaking of which, yipes I better fall a sleep before midnight, or my paranoid mind will take over and kill me. I think I'll go get my stuffed sheep dog to keep me protected. Man I need to cut down on them Asian horror flicks!
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